Tragedies aside, there is one main component of the formula to appreciating and cherishing life that I know of. And that ladies and gentlemen is living it. Through the pain and the sorrow, the joy and the bliss; life is bigger than it all and slows for no one.
After something as tragic as Bianca's passing happens, it's hard to talk about other "less important" things. Do you know what I mean? I basically feel guilty for caring about things in my life that in the light of the tragic circumstances, seem trivial and unimportant. I think that's one of the hardest obstacles to overcome in the pursuit to cherishing and appreciating life. I guess too often death can overwhelm and hinder it's antithesis and cure; Life.
I just returned from California where I was visiting for my cousin's wedding. My dad's family are all in California, in the Los Angeles area so it was great seeing most of them. I haven't seen anyone on that side of the family in almost 8 years, since my grandmother's funeral. My half brother Sammy who I used to be fairly close to when I was younger, lives out there now too. He does architectural work for a construction company during the week and tattoos at my cousin Peter's shop on the weekend. Seeing him and visiting Peter at his shop was awesome.
My cousin Ann got married to her fiance Stephen. (Ann * lawyer) + (Stephen * IT director at the top school district in California) = a rich set of newlyweds. The wedding was really nice and just an amazing experience all in all. Between the beautiful and wonderfully short ceremony to the reception at the incredible Empress Harbor Seafood Restaurant with the 10 course meal and me dancing in front of about 300 Chinese guests like an idiot (BY MYSELF!), the trip was a success. A few hiccups here and there but simply put, I'd pick California over the Midwest any day. Pictures from the trip and the wedding are forthcoming.
Add a piece of lost luggage to my car being in the shop and having to get a rental to my Macbook going missing at the hands of the Hy-Vee customer service department and you have the recipe for a hectic rest of the week.
Top 5 Songs You Should Listen To...this week at least
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
For a Reason...
Far too much to write about in one post in one sitting so I suppose I'll pick and choose as I attempt to inspire myself to transpose my thoughts onto the internet.
Most important on my mind, Bianca Vocke passed away this last Tuesday night due to complications from a car accident she was involved in occurring the week previous. I have never met Bianca and unfortunately, can only now make her acquaintance in heaven but I am friends with her sister Celeste. My heart breaks for Celeste and her family. There aren't many words that I can write that haven't been repeated over and over in the last couple days. Repeated to the point of dull indifference, where the words lose their meaning and become routine more than anything. I never want to feel that way. To any who read this that believe in the beauty and power of prayer, please pray for Celeste, her family and everyone affected by this tragedy. Remember the fragility of life and the sacred value that we must place on it, each and every day. Celeste, you promised to introduce me to Bianca after all of this was over and I'm holding you to it. One day, I'll see your face light up in it's beautiful and proud glow as you introduce me to her and her to me.
Most important on my mind, Bianca Vocke passed away this last Tuesday night due to complications from a car accident she was involved in occurring the week previous. I have never met Bianca and unfortunately, can only now make her acquaintance in heaven but I am friends with her sister Celeste. My heart breaks for Celeste and her family. There aren't many words that I can write that haven't been repeated over and over in the last couple days. Repeated to the point of dull indifference, where the words lose their meaning and become routine more than anything. I never want to feel that way. To any who read this that believe in the beauty and power of prayer, please pray for Celeste, her family and everyone affected by this tragedy. Remember the fragility of life and the sacred value that we must place on it, each and every day. Celeste, you promised to introduce me to Bianca after all of this was over and I'm holding you to it. One day, I'll see your face light up in it's beautiful and proud glow as you introduce me to her and her to me.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Here We Come...
Okay fine, depending on when you read this, I'm not leaving until Thursday but the point is? As much as I can, I love this state.
All vague posts aside, I'm flying to LA in the company of my girlfriend and my father to attend my cousin's (my father's niece) wedding in Santa Anita. Due to some last minute preparations (not on my part mind you), I'll be flying out of Rockford while my girlfriend and father will be flying out of Moline. Both flights are at 6AM and are to Denver where we'll actually all three get on the same flight to Burbank. Repeat for the way back.
Sounds like quite the Asian wedding to be had. The reception? No Big Deal.
Coupled with finally seeing my family out there? I'm quite excited. My brother Sam is an architect in LA and also tattoos on the weekends at my cousin Peter's shop in Pasadena. Peter just messaged me via Myspace out of absolutely nowhere to say hi and to tell me he's excited to see me this weekend. That was a good feeling. Haven't seen Peter in a good 7 years or so. I wonder what kind of deal Resurrection Tattoo can cut a little Eurasian cousin like me?
More after the break...
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
L2Buy
[13:16] Me: now what lesson did you learn?
[13:16] Finny: uh if its too good to be true, its too good to be true
[13:16] Me: haha, good boy
[13:16] Finny: and never under any circumstances buy something out of the back of someones van
Monday, November 19, 2007
Speaking of Eros...
AHHHHHHHHHHH
Hello audience. Or whatever I have that might constitute as one. I recently made the internet acquaintance of one, Jeremiah from the Minnesota based band Red Fox Grey Fox. Anyone that's been paying attention to my screaming either online or IRL in the past couple months might know the juicy fact that I'm in love with RFGF. So imagine my surprise.delight to read an open invitation from Jeremiah to read his blog and to share in thought with him. All in all, he seems like a pretty stand up guy. Besides understood and loved, he makes me feel a.) old and b.) creatively stagnant. I guess I did have my my initial creative burst with this blog last August when I started it but as chronicled in some of my last few posts, I've somewhat leveled out in recent times. But guess what? I'm not going to categorize creativity any longer. Expression is all that matters and I have something to express.
Taking inspiration from Jeremiah's foray into the blogging world with his post about love; I recently had somewhat of an epiphany. Well, I guess "epiphany" may be fluffing it a LITTLE bit but semantics aside, I was moved. But first, let me indulge and perform God's greatest gift to the story telling world (at least according to Josh). Let me preface.
I was quite the little romantic as a young(er) man. Along with that, it goes without saying that I was much more idealistic in the past than I could honestly say I am now. A life defining relationship a few years back changed much of that. But to be fair, I think this happens to most everyone at some point or time. But I've always been a few years ahead of everyone so apparently this head start extended to relationships as well. It just gave me a much more adult and realistic approach on romantic love and relationships with our better halves. Fast forward through close to a year of being single and not really being interested in a serious relationship. I meet a wonderful young woman and dated this wonderful young woman for about 7 wonderful months. Not every day was wonderful but we didn't have anything seriously wrong with us. To make a long story short, I broke up with her because simply put, my heart wasn't in it anymore and I couldn't commit myself to her 100% at that point in my life and it wasn't fair to her. A primary reason my heart wasn't in it was because I had developed the idea on some level that things weren't running smooth enough and well frankly, life's a little too short to waste time on something that isn't for a lack of better words, easy. I had become jaded on some level.
So fast forward now. We still talked after we broke up. Still fought at times, went through periods where we didn't at all. And then about 3-4 months after the break up, we really started to spend quality time with each other. This lasted for a couple months and ended the other day. It ended because we decided to give it another shot and make it official and all that jazz. I had been tossing the idea around for a while but I still held a fair amount of doubt about the worth of it all and effort involved. So really? All this rambling about Ashley, not important at all in the grand scheme of this post. Relationship material generally stays in my head and I only write of it to preface this epiphany of mine. The other day, I was on phone with her while driving. I'm listening to This Providence and as I get off the phone with her, flashes of contemplation cross my mind as to the whole situation and what I wanted to do about it all. Almost as if in response to my thoughts, this repeated chorus line from "The Road to Jericho is Lined with Starving People" floods my ears.
"If lovin' were easy, it wouldn't be love"
Cheesy as hell? Most definitely. Thought provoking? The same.
I guess it all just sort of hit me right there. Phillia, Eros, Storge or Agape. All of these are intertwined to form the basis of what I feel is the meaning of life. To love and to be loved. To respect and to be respected. Taking from the comment "Korissa" left on Jeremiah's blog, there are not many greater feelings than that of mutual love.
So if you read this far, thanks. And I promise that's the last of it in the relationship rambling department at least for a good long while. It's just something on my mind recently and there's no better day than Monday to let it all bubble out.
Hello audience. Or whatever I have that might constitute as one. I recently made the internet acquaintance of one, Jeremiah from the Minnesota based band Red Fox Grey Fox. Anyone that's been paying attention to my screaming either online or IRL in the past couple months might know the juicy fact that I'm in love with RFGF. So imagine my surprise.delight to read an open invitation from Jeremiah to read his blog and to share in thought with him. All in all, he seems like a pretty stand up guy. Besides understood and loved, he makes me feel a.) old and b.) creatively stagnant. I guess I did have my my initial creative burst with this blog last August when I started it but as chronicled in some of my last few posts, I've somewhat leveled out in recent times. But guess what? I'm not going to categorize creativity any longer. Expression is all that matters and I have something to express.
Taking inspiration from Jeremiah's foray into the blogging world with his post about love; I recently had somewhat of an epiphany. Well, I guess "epiphany" may be fluffing it a LITTLE bit but semantics aside, I was moved. But first, let me indulge and perform God's greatest gift to the story telling world (at least according to Josh). Let me preface.
I was quite the little romantic as a young(er) man. Along with that, it goes without saying that I was much more idealistic in the past than I could honestly say I am now. A life defining relationship a few years back changed much of that. But to be fair, I think this happens to most everyone at some point or time. But I've always been a few years ahead of everyone so apparently this head start extended to relationships as well. It just gave me a much more adult and realistic approach on romantic love and relationships with our better halves. Fast forward through close to a year of being single and not really being interested in a serious relationship. I meet a wonderful young woman and dated this wonderful young woman for about 7 wonderful months. Not every day was wonderful but we didn't have anything seriously wrong with us. To make a long story short, I broke up with her because simply put, my heart wasn't in it anymore and I couldn't commit myself to her 100% at that point in my life and it wasn't fair to her. A primary reason my heart wasn't in it was because I had developed the idea on some level that things weren't running smooth enough and well frankly, life's a little too short to waste time on something that isn't for a lack of better words, easy. I had become jaded on some level.
So fast forward now. We still talked after we broke up. Still fought at times, went through periods where we didn't at all. And then about 3-4 months after the break up, we really started to spend quality time with each other. This lasted for a couple months and ended the other day. It ended because we decided to give it another shot and make it official and all that jazz. I had been tossing the idea around for a while but I still held a fair amount of doubt about the worth of it all and effort involved. So really? All this rambling about Ashley, not important at all in the grand scheme of this post. Relationship material generally stays in my head and I only write of it to preface this epiphany of mine. The other day, I was on phone with her while driving. I'm listening to This Providence and as I get off the phone with her, flashes of contemplation cross my mind as to the whole situation and what I wanted to do about it all. Almost as if in response to my thoughts, this repeated chorus line from "The Road to Jericho is Lined with Starving People" floods my ears.
"If lovin' were easy, it wouldn't be love"
Cheesy as hell? Most definitely. Thought provoking? The same.
I guess it all just sort of hit me right there. Phillia, Eros, Storge or Agape. All of these are intertwined to form the basis of what I feel is the meaning of life. To love and to be loved. To respect and to be respected. Taking from the comment "Korissa" left on Jeremiah's blog, there are not many greater feelings than that of mutual love.
So if you read this far, thanks. And I promise that's the last of it in the relationship rambling department at least for a good long while. It's just something on my mind recently and there's no better day than Monday to let it all bubble out.
Monday, November 12, 2007
This Curse...Will Sting the Worst
It's amazing how little I've been inspired to write lately. I talked about this in one of my more recent blogs and I guess nothing has really changed much. I do just about the same things everyday at work. My life outside of work wonderful but nothing extraordinary I suppose. I watch a lot of interesting and original indie movies that I generally enjoy. I'm still a fervent Heroes, Prison Break and Nip/Tuck fan. I socialize as much as possible down here in the QC. Met some new people this last weekend which was nice. Had a great time last night just sitting around, playing cards and listening to 50's radio with Annie, Rachel, Dengler, Steve and Craig. And of course Archer was there.
I'm excited to start getting things done again which seems to happen primarily during the week. A haircut is finally in order for tonight hopefully. I'm supposed to be stopping by Rites of Passage to get my back tattoo touched up. But due to past scheduling attempts with my artist Jon there, I foresee having to reschedule it. So on the off chance that the tattoo stop goes according to plan, I'm just going to stop by the Hair Cuttery to see what they can do to me. In the more likely case of Jon canceling or something; I'm going to try getting in at Capri up in Davenport.
In either case, expect a total loss of hair. I'm sick of going in there and having this pseudo-faux-scene Capri girls just about crying the more hair they have to cut off. I go in wanting a cut and essentially come out with a trim. So I just need to be assertive and demand a drastic cut and promise a swift punch to the throat in the event that she fails me.
So news flash!!! I tend to lounge pretty relaxed-like in my office chair and more often than not, that leads to my belly being pressed up against the edge of my desk. Know what I mean? You would if you've ever lounged in a cubicle. Anyway, so I was just doing this unconsciously while typing and all of a sudden? SNAP. Yep, my fat finally got the better of me and a button on my shirt get stuck under the edge of the desk and when I sat up to stretch, the pressure of my chair straightening mixed with the force of my stomach against the edge...SNAPPED that button clean in half. Not going to lie, I've never seen a button actually snapped in half but today's the day. Funny thing is, it's the same button that's popped off in the past and Ashley was nice enough to take one of the pocket buttons and replace it. Welp, I'm doing to the other pocket's spare. So I hope she'll fix it again for my fat ass.
Well, on that note? I'm going to eat a cup of soup and slowly inch my way through this Monday.
I'm excited to start getting things done again which seems to happen primarily during the week. A haircut is finally in order for tonight hopefully. I'm supposed to be stopping by Rites of Passage to get my back tattoo touched up. But due to past scheduling attempts with my artist Jon there, I foresee having to reschedule it. So on the off chance that the tattoo stop goes according to plan, I'm just going to stop by the Hair Cuttery to see what they can do to me. In the more likely case of Jon canceling or something; I'm going to try getting in at Capri up in Davenport.
In either case, expect a total loss of hair. I'm sick of going in there and having this pseudo-faux-scene Capri girls just about crying the more hair they have to cut off. I go in wanting a cut and essentially come out with a trim. So I just need to be assertive and demand a drastic cut and promise a swift punch to the throat in the event that she fails me.
So news flash!!! I tend to lounge pretty relaxed-like in my office chair and more often than not, that leads to my belly being pressed up against the edge of my desk. Know what I mean? You would if you've ever lounged in a cubicle. Anyway, so I was just doing this unconsciously while typing and all of a sudden? SNAP. Yep, my fat finally got the better of me and a button on my shirt get stuck under the edge of the desk and when I sat up to stretch, the pressure of my chair straightening mixed with the force of my stomach against the edge...SNAPPED that button clean in half. Not going to lie, I've never seen a button actually snapped in half but today's the day. Funny thing is, it's the same button that's popped off in the past and Ashley was nice enough to take one of the pocket buttons and replace it. Welp, I'm doing to the other pocket's spare. So I hope she'll fix it again for my fat ass.
Well, on that note? I'm going to eat a cup of soup and slowly inch my way through this Monday.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Facebook App FTW?!?!
I have yet to be impressed by too many of the BILLION Facebook apps to have been released in the past 9 months or whenever the flood walls separating Facebook from Myspace were so rudely busted down. In any case, with the exception of simple ditties like Top Friends and the ridiculously addictive Jetman; most apps serve two purposes. To be able to see what your douche bag friend wants you to "check out" (hint: add...REMOVE) and to take up precious Facebook page space. I'm a man that relishes effective simplicity and Facebook is no different. Now with that all being said and out of the way; I present to you Project Playlist. Pretty simple to set up with an impressively thorough music library to choose from. I decided to go with a nice "Top 5 Weekly Songs" theme which I plan to change every week (or so) with a new set of 5 songs for my viewers' listening pleasure. I aim for quality foremost but variety comes in a close second. And then with an option for a standalone player as well as the ability to embed it in other sites like Myspace; balls deep is all I have to say. In terms of operational functionality, songs fully load surprisingly fast and play smoothly with little to no buffering.
Five thumbs up for a music player Facebook app. Granted, I haven't had it long but I'll let you know if it lets me down worse than the first Aliens vs. Predator. Not likely.
Update: So along with the flexibility of this app, I can indeed add it to this very blog. So while I have a long way to go making this page of mine look the way I want it to, enjoy your choice between Facebook AND blogspot.
Five thumbs up for a music player Facebook app. Granted, I haven't had it long but I'll let you know if it lets me down worse than the first Aliens vs. Predator. Not likely.
Update: So along with the flexibility of this app, I can indeed add it to this very blog. So while I have a long way to go making this page of mine look the way I want it to, enjoy your choice between Facebook AND blogspot.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
You Can't Spell Crap Without "C"
Hello all.
I've been pretty lax on this whole blog thing in recent times and I feel that there are a number of contributors responsible for that.
1.) Laziness.
I've been so not-busy at work lately. All ambition to do anything, including blogging, has been drained out of me. Its kind of like when you sleep so much, you're tired. According to simple logic, it doesn't make any sense. But once you experience it, its makes nothing but sense.
2.) Boredom.
There hasn't been much going on in my life recently. Okay, that's not entirely true. There's always things going on and life's a constant roller coaster. I mean, there's been homecoming, my birthday, Twin Cities, etc. But for one reason or another, nothing has really made me want to stand up and shout. You know what I mean? Nothing has been worth "shouting" about and that is a shame on a certain level.
3.) Happiness.
To go hand in hand with the boredom and I guess to a certain extent, the laziness; I have been happy. With happiness, too often comes complacency and a sense of entitlement to that lack of ambition. Usually this laziness is expressed most quantitatively in the loss of creativity and the activities that go along with such.
With that all being said, what's more important than a LIFE IN SUMMARY!!!!!
I don't even know what that is necessarily but I figure I'd just throw up a bulleted list of sorts to highlight interesting things I've seen or heard, new music/movies, a TV recap, etc. Here goes...
*Unforgivable - Watch it, it's hilarious. Now just picture the Noon quoting unforgivable. Yeah, see, a lot funnier.
*www.cracked.com - My new daily addiction. Its like my morning coffee and my noon water cooler stop.
*Listen to Red Fox Grey Fox, Weaver at the Loom, the voice of sleep and Now, Now Every Children. Right now. Minnesota FTW!!! There's more where that came from too. Who would've known?
*Watch The Lives of Others, Dirty Sanchez and The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down. Random three movies but three of the better recent ones I've rented. Good stuff indeed.
*NIP/TUCK, HEROES AND PRISON BREAK!!! I'm finally caught up on all three shows and watching new episodes weekly. Waiting week to week certainly detracts from the cinematic quality of each show but it's inevitable.
!!!Nip/Tuck!!! - Season 4 was nothing short of spectacular I must say. Watching that made me realize what smack must feel like. To me, Nip/Tuck after this last season has been a 60+ episode, 4 season single story arc and I think it's pretty fantastic. Season 5 starts TONIGHT!!! and I'm pumped, needless to say.
!!Heroes!! - Season 2 so far has been pretty damn good. A few redundancies and over-used plot tools but besides that, things have been as hot as ever. So far, about 6 episodes in, there's only been a few big plot points converging so expect some awesome-ness in the next few weeks. Hiro's role hasn't been as important as I'd like but like I said, I'll have faith until the finale and maybe beyond if I'm feeling generous.
!Prison Break! - Season 3 has been impressive thus far. I think of all these shows, Prison Break has the shortest potential lifespan and therein lies its central flaw but despite this, season 3 is proving to be as exciting and nail biting as the first two. Lincoln has some cheese ball lines and Michael is as vague and mysteriously frustrating (bordering on annoying) as ever but the real shine is in the supporting characters and always has been. There hasn't b been a real powerhouse yet (due mainly to the unfortunate playing down of Mahone's character) but I'm hopeful there will be. There's been a lot of breaks though where an episode doesn't air including last night but I'm pretty sure there's some sort of 2 hour deal next Monday so I can handle it.
And finally, I'll leave you with a pretty sweet picture my good friend Craig Nagovan took a few weeks back at Duhawk homecoming down at the Lounge.
I'm A Ghost
I've been pretty lax on this whole blog thing in recent times and I feel that there are a number of contributors responsible for that.
1.) Laziness.
I've been so not-busy at work lately. All ambition to do anything, including blogging, has been drained out of me. Its kind of like when you sleep so much, you're tired. According to simple logic, it doesn't make any sense. But once you experience it, its makes nothing but sense.
2.) Boredom.
There hasn't been much going on in my life recently. Okay, that's not entirely true. There's always things going on and life's a constant roller coaster. I mean, there's been homecoming, my birthday, Twin Cities, etc. But for one reason or another, nothing has really made me want to stand up and shout. You know what I mean? Nothing has been worth "shouting" about and that is a shame on a certain level.
3.) Happiness.
To go hand in hand with the boredom and I guess to a certain extent, the laziness; I have been happy. With happiness, too often comes complacency and a sense of entitlement to that lack of ambition. Usually this laziness is expressed most quantitatively in the loss of creativity and the activities that go along with such.
With that all being said, what's more important than a LIFE IN SUMMARY!!!!!
I don't even know what that is necessarily but I figure I'd just throw up a bulleted list of sorts to highlight interesting things I've seen or heard, new music/movies, a TV recap, etc. Here goes...
*Unforgivable - Watch it, it's hilarious. Now just picture the Noon quoting unforgivable. Yeah, see, a lot funnier.
*www.cracked.com - My new daily addiction. Its like my morning coffee and my noon water cooler stop.
*Listen to Red Fox Grey Fox, Weaver at the Loom, the voice of sleep and Now, Now Every Children. Right now. Minnesota FTW!!! There's more where that came from too. Who would've known?
*Watch The Lives of Others, Dirty Sanchez and The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down. Random three movies but three of the better recent ones I've rented. Good stuff indeed.
*NIP/TUCK, HEROES AND PRISON BREAK!!! I'm finally caught up on all three shows and watching new episodes weekly. Waiting week to week certainly detracts from the cinematic quality of each show but it's inevitable.
!!!Nip/Tuck!!! - Season 4 was nothing short of spectacular I must say. Watching that made me realize what smack must feel like. To me, Nip/Tuck after this last season has been a 60+ episode, 4 season single story arc and I think it's pretty fantastic. Season 5 starts TONIGHT!!! and I'm pumped, needless to say.
!!Heroes!! - Season 2 so far has been pretty damn good. A few redundancies and over-used plot tools but besides that, things have been as hot as ever. So far, about 6 episodes in, there's only been a few big plot points converging so expect some awesome-ness in the next few weeks. Hiro's role hasn't been as important as I'd like but like I said, I'll have faith until the finale and maybe beyond if I'm feeling generous.
!Prison Break! - Season 3 has been impressive thus far. I think of all these shows, Prison Break has the shortest potential lifespan and therein lies its central flaw but despite this, season 3 is proving to be as exciting and nail biting as the first two. Lincoln has some cheese ball lines and Michael is as vague and mysteriously frustrating (bordering on annoying) as ever but the real shine is in the supporting characters and always has been. There hasn't b been a real powerhouse yet (due mainly to the unfortunate playing down of Mahone's character) but I'm hopeful there will be. There's been a lot of breaks though where an episode doesn't air including last night but I'm pretty sure there's some sort of 2 hour deal next Monday so I can handle it.
And finally, I'll leave you with a pretty sweet picture my good friend Craig Nagovan took a few weeks back at Duhawk homecoming down at the Lounge.
I'm A Ghost
Friday, October 19, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Imagine My Surprise...
Click image for a larger view and the cause of my surprise. Strange the things you find on the internet. It's funny though because maybe 8 people in the world would fully understand why I posted this and maybe, maybe 2 of those might possibly look at this blog.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Quote Board - Join the Ranks
"Fluffy Red" on anal beads:
"ive always wanted huge clay balls up my asshole"
"Nigerian Noon" on the release of Cinematic Sunrise's album:
"i think it could solveIraq"
"Captain Syntax" in response to me talking about my World Beer Tour at Old Chicago
Syntax: "Well that's what Hitler did"
"Slauer" on her new teaching job
"it's at a small charter school on the southwest side...it is in theLawndale
"ive always wanted huge clay balls up my asshole"
"Nigerian Noon" on the release of Cinematic Sunrise's album:
"i think it could solve
"Captain Syntax" in response to me talking about my World Beer Tour at Old Chicago
Syntax: "Well that's what Hitler did"
"Slauer" on her new teaching job
"it's at a small charter school on the southwest side...it is in the
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
This is the way the world ends...
H3 = pure rape
Got home with the game around 12:45AM Tuesday morning. Played until about 9:00AM that same morning. Rested and then continued to play from approximately 5:30PM to 1:00AM. Needless to say, I've put a few hours into it. It's nice cause I spent $0.00 the last two days, other than the sunk cost of the game which I'm not counting. I drove 0 miles and used 0 gallons of gasoline. And I thought of women for 0 minutes and 0 seconds. Basically, H3 has been therapeutic for me thus far. Just trying to pass time until the 12th.
GT = CPHxMorpheus
With that being said, kudos to the nerds out in Massachussatts. MC MIT FTW!!!
Got home with the game around 12:45AM Tuesday morning. Played until about 9:00AM that same morning. Rested and then continued to play from approximately 5:30PM to 1:00AM. Needless to say, I've put a few hours into it. It's nice cause I spent $0.00 the last two days, other than the sunk cost of the game which I'm not counting. I drove 0 miles and used 0 gallons of gasoline. And I thought of women for 0 minutes and 0 seconds. Basically, H3 has been therapeutic for me thus far. Just trying to pass time until the 12th.
GT = CPHxMorpheus
With that being said, kudos to the nerds out in Massachussatts. MC MIT FTW!!!
Monday, September 24, 2007
PM5K
Anyone that can tell me what the title of this blog stands for wins $5. No joke.
So hi. It's Monday unfortunately and despite that small detail, life is great.
Had a pretty great weekend. Spent Friday night in Dubuque with Miller and plenty of other cohorts. Besides Miller, I also got a chance to see some short to long time absent from my life and it was nice. As is the case anytime Miller and I are together, some ridiculous-ness happened and we've got stories to tell for years to come. Back in the QC on Saturday and had a good time just relaxing and hanging out. Miller left Sunday and the large bulk of the day was spent just absolutely relaxing with Steve. Finished Rescue Me: Season 4 and despite a few weak episodes at the end of the season, the finale came clutch and made me remember why I love this show so damn much. Spent the next 3 hours just talking girls; past, present and future. That was unbelievably fun. The idea for "Day to Day Date Data" was conceived and I might be locked into a 98/2 deal with Steve on royalties. Compiled notes and told stories...lived, laughed and loved...relished, regretted and just plain yearned. It was a telling time for us.
Also had a realization that one of the best ways to relax, not get ahead of myself and to pass anticipatory time...is to play Halo 3. I'm hoping it's going to make the next 18 days just FLYYYYY BY.
Tonight, I'm thinking Prison Break at 7 followed by the premiere of Heroes at 8. Craig gets off at 9, we play H2 campaign to catch up on the story until 12 and then go to try buying H3. I want to just get to bed tonight without touching it but I KNOW I'll be up until at least 1:30 playing. Numbers and intuition. It's how I pass time at work.
Try it. Or read my blog.
So hi. It's Monday unfortunately and despite that small detail, life is great.
Had a pretty great weekend. Spent Friday night in Dubuque with Miller and plenty of other cohorts. Besides Miller, I also got a chance to see some short to long time absent from my life and it was nice. As is the case anytime Miller and I are together, some ridiculous-ness happened and we've got stories to tell for years to come. Back in the QC on Saturday and had a good time just relaxing and hanging out. Miller left Sunday and the large bulk of the day was spent just absolutely relaxing with Steve. Finished Rescue Me: Season 4 and despite a few weak episodes at the end of the season, the finale came clutch and made me remember why I love this show so damn much. Spent the next 3 hours just talking girls; past, present and future. That was unbelievably fun. The idea for "Day to Day Date Data" was conceived and I might be locked into a 98/2 deal with Steve on royalties. Compiled notes and told stories...lived, laughed and loved...relished, regretted and just plain yearned. It was a telling time for us.
Also had a realization that one of the best ways to relax, not get ahead of myself and to pass anticipatory time...is to play Halo 3. I'm hoping it's going to make the next 18 days just FLYYYYY BY.
Tonight, I'm thinking Prison Break at 7 followed by the premiere of Heroes at 8. Craig gets off at 9, we play H2 campaign to catch up on the story until 12 and then go to try buying H3. I want to just get to bed tonight without touching it but I KNOW I'll be up until at least 1:30 playing. Numbers and intuition. It's how I pass time at work.
Try it. Or read my blog.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Do We Create Our Own Destiny?
"Star crossed lovers
They say we're not meant to be
'Cause the stars in the sky, and the fashion that they are aligned.
I say if the futures been drawn out there's no point in living.
I wont give up my love so that fate can have its way.
If the stars say that you couldn’t love me,
Are you telling me that you would listen?
If the words make their way from your mouth,
Don’t ask my permission,
All is forgiven."
sKsK - Star Crossed
Besides my deep appreciation for this Scary Kids song, listening to it just a moment ago really "got me thinking". Just about destiny, fate, etc. Does it exist? Who creates it? I believe that God does have a plan for each of us but how flexible is that plan? Is there an A and B version of it? Maybe even a C? How predetermined are things? By living in the here and the now, does that automatically rule out X number of possible endings for my day, my month, my year or even my life? Does it really matter? Let's look at the two main schools of thought.
1.) Destiny exists and your life has already been played out in some supernatural podcast. If this is the case, don't worry about anything then. Life will unfold and all you need to do is concentrate on making others as well as yourself happy.
2.) Nothing is pre-planned and everything is a direct result or consequence if your actions in the present. A little closer to what I personally believe but still pretty far from my relatively moderate stance in this. In the same way as predetermination, your decisions are still dependent on the sure and utter fact that the future is unknown. So in that light, you are still able to maintain a certain level of blissful ignorance.
So both 1.) and 2.) rely on us being blind to potential and far reaching consequences. So in the same fashion, your choices still have a very real effect on others. Whether your life's course is predetermined or not, you're still the one making decisions and those decisions can either hurt or help. Day to day, am I helping or hurting? I think everyone's first response would be of course, helping. But how do I know? How much of other people's lives do you really get to see?
Can you really quantify your impact on another human being?
They say we're not meant to be
'Cause the stars in the sky, and the fashion that they are aligned.
I say if the futures been drawn out there's no point in living.
I wont give up my love so that fate can have its way.
If the stars say that you couldn’t love me,
Are you telling me that you would listen?
If the words make their way from your mouth,
Don’t ask my permission,
All is forgiven."
sKsK - Star Crossed
Besides my deep appreciation for this Scary Kids song, listening to it just a moment ago really "got me thinking". Just about destiny, fate, etc. Does it exist? Who creates it? I believe that God does have a plan for each of us but how flexible is that plan? Is there an A and B version of it? Maybe even a C? How predetermined are things? By living in the here and the now, does that automatically rule out X number of possible endings for my day, my month, my year or even my life? Does it really matter? Let's look at the two main schools of thought.
1.) Destiny exists and your life has already been played out in some supernatural podcast. If this is the case, don't worry about anything then. Life will unfold and all you need to do is concentrate on making others as well as yourself happy.
2.) Nothing is pre-planned and everything is a direct result or consequence if your actions in the present. A little closer to what I personally believe but still pretty far from my relatively moderate stance in this. In the same way as predetermination, your decisions are still dependent on the sure and utter fact that the future is unknown. So in that light, you are still able to maintain a certain level of blissful ignorance.
So both 1.) and 2.) rely on us being blind to potential and far reaching consequences. So in the same fashion, your choices still have a very real effect on others. Whether your life's course is predetermined or not, you're still the one making decisions and those decisions can either hurt or help. Day to day, am I helping or hurting? I think everyone's first response would be of course, helping. But how do I know? How much of other people's lives do you really get to see?
Can you really quantify your impact on another human being?
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
RUI FTW?
The following are pieces of mine that are going to be read by a friend of mine at the Busted Lift's Reading Under the Influence next Tuesday night. Eh? At least I won't be there to catch the rotten tomato in the mouth if the elitist indie bastards at the Lift don't like them.
Stupid thrift store gestapo.
Pull yourself free from this
Without a doubt, you’ll understand
In time, all things will be made clear
And you’ll grasp why this had to be
Sacrificing wants for needs
Throwing comfort to the wind
Disregarding so much we held dear
Clarity will arrive unexpectedly and without announcement
This pain will all make sense one day
Stupid thrift store gestapo.
“Hit It Chewie”
I’m not feeling very inspired today
But rather, a sense of blurred vision and mistaken intent
Anticipation and anxiety are the indomitable precursors to satisfaction
Or rather disappointment
Don’t let me be the one to tell you what to feel
Oh no…not me
Look inside and find
Take what drives you
Embrace what motivates you
Take that deep pressure in your skull that pushes you to succeed
The burning passion that compels you to choose life
Run your fingers down its spine
Caress it as you would a lover
Embrace it for all its strength and all its weakness
For without it, we are nothing
Merely a shell of an already hollow breed
“If You Wanted to Know”
Pull yourself free from this
Without a doubt, you’ll understand
In time, all things will be made clear
And you’ll grasp why this had to be
Sacrificing wants for needs
Throwing comfort to the wind
Disregarding so much we held dear
Clarity will arrive unexpectedly and without announcement
This pain will all make sense one day
“Always”
Remember the way my hand felt on your skin?
Your entire body tingling at the very thought of pressing against mine?
As I slowly worked my way down, under the covers
Your breathing would quicken and grow heavy until……gasp
I pulled pleasure after pleasure out of you
Each murmur and whispered word bringing both of us closer
In your climax, I found satisfaction
“Will You Believe?”
Look straight up
Imprints of beauty in both our worlds
Floating just out of reach
Dancing like youth, life in its purest form
Those fingerprints just beckon and tease
As if to say, join us in the heavens and forever live in love
Sadly, our choice is etched in eternity
Their tears fall in sympathy and sadness for our loss
Yet from their compassion rises life and new hope for tomorrow
Monday, September 17, 2007
I Think I Got It
Monday Monday Mondaaaaay
Such a ridiculous day if you think about it. Rather than the beginning of a new week, I see it more as signifying the end of my past week. And the accompanying freedom that is the weekend. I must say, I had a pretty splendid weekend. Drove to Chicago Friday after work. And when I say Chicago, I mean Chicago. I took my little Iowa plated Cobalt right through downtown, across Michigan Avenue, up Lake Shore Drive and straight through the heart of IlliNOISE. I must say, Sufjan Stevens' said album provided the PERFECT soundtrack for the drive in. Some good people, good eating and good atmosphere all equaled one good time. Say hello to Douglas. Kate's abnormally disproportioned cat. He certainly helped make the trip.
Although this was way back on last Thursday night, I have to take a moment to say how much I loved the movie Cashback. Another non-disappointing recommendation from Mr. Dan Holcomb. If I had to summarize my thoughts and feelings concerning this movie into two sentences, here is what I would say. It reminded me of what movies should feel like to watch. It made me wish once again that I
a.) was an artist and b.) had a British accent.
Regardless, please do yourself a favor and watch it. Seems relatively hard to find in movie stores but do what you can.
Here comes Monday...
Such a ridiculous day if you think about it. Rather than the beginning of a new week, I see it more as signifying the end of my past week. And the accompanying freedom that is the weekend. I must say, I had a pretty splendid weekend. Drove to Chicago Friday after work. And when I say Chicago, I mean Chicago. I took my little Iowa plated Cobalt right through downtown, across Michigan Avenue, up Lake Shore Drive and straight through the heart of IlliNOISE. I must say, Sufjan Stevens' said album provided the PERFECT soundtrack for the drive in. Some good people, good eating and good atmosphere all equaled one good time. Say hello to Douglas. Kate's abnormally disproportioned cat. He certainly helped make the trip.
Although this was way back on last Thursday night, I have to take a moment to say how much I loved the movie Cashback. Another non-disappointing recommendation from Mr. Dan Holcomb. If I had to summarize my thoughts and feelings concerning this movie into two sentences, here is what I would say. It reminded me of what movies should feel like to watch. It made me wish once again that I
a.) was an artist and b.) had a British accent.
Regardless, please do yourself a favor and watch it. Seems relatively hard to find in movie stores but do what you can.
Here comes Monday...
Friday, September 14, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
I Promise
Last night, I had to ignore over 80 phone calls from someone I care strongly about. I didn't answer or respond to these calls, voicemails and texts because simply put, it was the right thing to do. I think many times we find ourselves in a situation where we have to take the hard and narrow path and sacrifice in the now so that others may benefit in the future. I can't let her care about me anymore. There must exist a rift between us so that she can put aside the emotions that kept her calling and those that enabled her to allow herself to be so vulnerable.
She claimed that I had lied to her and betrayed her trust. I can not be more emphatic in stating that I did not. If there was something that unspoken law dictates for me to tell her, I would have done so. Unfortunately for her case against me, there wasn't. Its almost humorous to me that she thought I didn't know she read my blog. If anything, she was/is probably my most devoted reader. Keep in mind, 1 of 3. The point of this blog is not for me to hide how I feel or disguise my opinion on matters; it is an open forum for my life, my love and my thoughts. For example, my post entitled Whoopsies... from almost a month ago now. In it, I chronicled my thoughts concerning a separate ill fated relationship. Did I mean what I wrote? Most certainly. Did I yield to a personal weakness of mine and fall into the ever open pit of melodrama? Yep. So for that, I apologize. But do not think for one second that I would compromise my spirit to write and to create in order to protect the best interests of anyone other than myself. Selfish as it may sound, I can only be responsible for myself and the choices I make and therefore will not take it upon myself to pretend to know or especially predict the thoughts or reactions of others to my writing.
I rambled. I apologize.
Coming back to the main character of this little narrative. The hardest thing to sacrifice for me is quite literally my reputation with her. In a limited number of ways, I do care entirely too much what certain people think of me. Last night though, a realization finally sunk in. This vanity of mine is what has been inhibiting certain areas of personal growth. So by finally realizing and acknowledging this weakness of mine, I was able to see the proper course of action to take in this situation. For once, I'm not arguing and I'm most definitely not trying to change her mind. I'm letting her go. I'm letting her be free to think and feel whatever she'd like to without any input or opposition from me. My opinion and feelings are no longer of any importance in this situation and as difficult as that is for me to accept, I will.
In closing, I will not censor my thoughts for anyone but myself. For the same reason that this is a public blog, my written and spoken thoughts are also public and open to comment, critique and discussion. All I ask is that a somewhat logical and rational approach is taken when doing so. Ask and I will tell.
This is me sharing. My life, my love.
She claimed that I had lied to her and betrayed her trust. I can not be more emphatic in stating that I did not. If there was something that unspoken law dictates for me to tell her, I would have done so. Unfortunately for her case against me, there wasn't. Its almost humorous to me that she thought I didn't know she read my blog. If anything, she was/is probably my most devoted reader. Keep in mind, 1 of 3. The point of this blog is not for me to hide how I feel or disguise my opinion on matters; it is an open forum for my life, my love and my thoughts. For example, my post entitled Whoopsies... from almost a month ago now. In it, I chronicled my thoughts concerning a separate ill fated relationship. Did I mean what I wrote? Most certainly. Did I yield to a personal weakness of mine and fall into the ever open pit of melodrama? Yep. So for that, I apologize. But do not think for one second that I would compromise my spirit to write and to create in order to protect the best interests of anyone other than myself. Selfish as it may sound, I can only be responsible for myself and the choices I make and therefore will not take it upon myself to pretend to know or especially predict the thoughts or reactions of others to my writing.
I rambled. I apologize.
Coming back to the main character of this little narrative. The hardest thing to sacrifice for me is quite literally my reputation with her. In a limited number of ways, I do care entirely too much what certain people think of me. Last night though, a realization finally sunk in. This vanity of mine is what has been inhibiting certain areas of personal growth. So by finally realizing and acknowledging this weakness of mine, I was able to see the proper course of action to take in this situation. For once, I'm not arguing and I'm most definitely not trying to change her mind. I'm letting her go. I'm letting her be free to think and feel whatever she'd like to without any input or opposition from me. My opinion and feelings are no longer of any importance in this situation and as difficult as that is for me to accept, I will.
In closing, I will not censor my thoughts for anyone but myself. For the same reason that this is a public blog, my written and spoken thoughts are also public and open to comment, critique and discussion. All I ask is that a somewhat logical and rational approach is taken when doing so. Ask and I will tell.
This is me sharing. My life, my love.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Chocolate + Burritos with Guac + Salmon
[08:36] vaGina: try to stay awake...if u start nodding off picture me SLAPPING u in the face
[08:36] VaGina: and spitting on ur head
[08:37] VaGina: all while dancing next to a piano
i can't wait for Friday
"i desperately want to make love to a school boy"
[08:36] VaGina: and spitting on ur head
[08:37] VaGina: all while dancing next to a piano
i can't wait for Friday
"i desperately want to make love to a school boy"
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
"Wake Up Sun"
Look straight up
Imprints of beauty in both our worlds
Floating just out of reach
Dancing like youth, life in its purest form
Those fingerprints just beckon and tease
As if to say, join us in the heavens and forever live in love
Sadly, our choice is etched in eternity
Their tears fall in sympathy and sadness for our loss
Yet from their compassion rises life and new hope for tomorrow
-js-
Imprints of beauty in both our worlds
Floating just out of reach
Dancing like youth, life in its purest form
Those fingerprints just beckon and tease
As if to say, join us in the heavens and forever live in love
Sadly, our choice is etched in eternity
Their tears fall in sympathy and sadness for our loss
Yet from their compassion rises life and new hope for tomorrow
-js-
Monday, September 10, 2007
A Life of Happiness or a Life of Meaning?
I've had a wonderful weekend of rest and relaxation.
Included in said R&R has been watching an average of 3.5625 hours a night of Heroes: Season 1 for the last 4 nights. OMG!!!
It goes without saying, this show is awesome. And addictive on top of that.
Yesterday was quite possibly, a day among days for me. I woke up at 11AM or so and went to sleep a little after 1AM. During this time, I never once wore anything other than a pair of boxers. I never once left my condo for anything. I never once put in my contacts in exchange for my glasses. I also watched ten (10) episodes of Heroes, ate three (3) 5 oz. steaks, three (3) chicken breasts, one (1) large taco salad and one (1) large serving of chicken rice pilaf by Rice-A-Roni.
It was wonderful.
Ted and Craig did come over for the last couple hours of my night and gave me at least a small amount of much needed social interaction and laughing.
Included in this laughing was below video.
Add to that a super fun visit on Friday from an old friend and a new friend alike, several wonderful phone conversations and a whole host of promise for the future; as I've said in the past and still hold to be true, every day is the happiest day of my life.
Included in said R&R has been watching an average of 3.5625 hours a night of Heroes: Season 1 for the last 4 nights. OMG!!!
It goes without saying, this show is awesome. And addictive on top of that.
Yesterday was quite possibly, a day among days for me. I woke up at 11AM or so and went to sleep a little after 1AM. During this time, I never once wore anything other than a pair of boxers. I never once left my condo for anything. I never once put in my contacts in exchange for my glasses. I also watched ten (10) episodes of Heroes, ate three (3) 5 oz. steaks, three (3) chicken breasts, one (1) large taco salad and one (1) large serving of chicken rice pilaf by Rice-A-Roni.
It was wonderful.
Ted and Craig did come over for the last couple hours of my night and gave me at least a small amount of much needed social interaction and laughing.
Included in this laughing was below video.
Add to that a super fun visit on Friday from an old friend and a new friend alike, several wonderful phone conversations and a whole host of promise for the future; as I've said in the past and still hold to be true, every day is the happiest day of my life.
Friday, September 7, 2007
sssssssssssssssssssss
Why do I feel this way?
I can barely keep my eyes open.
I spent last night watching Heroes and I loved every second of it.
I wish I could spend my days figuring out what my super powers are.
Instead, I sit constantly....sunrise to sundown.
I just realize that sounded like a bad thing.
Not at all. Just a genuine observation.
Where to now Captain?
I wish you could talk to me. Right now.
You've been a surprise to me and sure, surprises tend to stop being interesting once the initial awe has worn off. But you know what? I don't care.
Life is the present, not the future.
I can barely keep my eyes open.
I spent last night watching Heroes and I loved every second of it.
I wish I could spend my days figuring out what my super powers are.
Instead, I sit constantly....sunrise to sundown.
I just realize that sounded like a bad thing.
Not at all. Just a genuine observation.
Where to now Captain?
I wish you could talk to me. Right now.
You've been a surprise to me and sure, surprises tend to stop being interesting once the initial awe has worn off. But you know what? I don't care.
Life is the present, not the future.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
PUPPIES!!!
So long story short, Mike is looking to buy a puppy for the household. It would be "his" dog of course but it would really belong to all of us as we would all take care of it. So many breeds to choose from...well, here are my top candidates so far. Feedback?
Reggie is on the top. He's the only orphan puppy I've found so far at a shelter. He is a boxer however and boxers are at the top of mine and Mike's list right now. The pup on the bottom is from a litter on a farm in Iowa that sounds promising.
Australian Shepherd
Reggie is on the top. He's the only orphan puppy I've found so far at a shelter. He is a boxer however and boxers are at the top of mine and Mike's list right now. The pup on the bottom is from a litter on a farm in Iowa that sounds promising.
Australian Shepherd
Puggle
German Shepherd
Hungarian Vizsla
Hungarian Vizsla
Cavalier King Charles Spaniel
Feedback? Advice? Personal experiences with one of these breeds?
Feel free to let me know.
Feel free to let me know.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Move With Me
Whew...
That was a long weekend.
Good + Bad + everything in between = a weekend in Dubuque.
I can definitely say without a moment's hesitation however that the Quad Cities are now my home. Scary thought on some levels but all in all? I think I'm more than okay with it.
I did see Superbad yesterday though. Pretty funny movie. Favorite line?
"So, you guys have Myspace?"
Pretty much every other line was awesome too but honestly, the Myspace one was perfect.
And a grand highlight of last night? Bone Palace Ballet.
Finally been able to give it a full listen this morning on the drive to work and right now as we speak. And its quite phenomenal.
"It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present
whatever face you believe a person wants to see rather than your own.
Yet we hesitate to surrender all of our insecurities
Only the ones we are most comfortable relinquishing"
Isn't that the truth? It's like Craig wrote this about you.
And now I head to a meeting. See if I remember anything from last week.
That was a long weekend.
Good + Bad + everything in between = a weekend in Dubuque.
I can definitely say without a moment's hesitation however that the Quad Cities are now my home. Scary thought on some levels but all in all? I think I'm more than okay with it.
I did see Superbad yesterday though. Pretty funny movie. Favorite line?
"So, you guys have Myspace?"
Pretty much every other line was awesome too but honestly, the Myspace one was perfect.
And a grand highlight of last night? Bone Palace Ballet.
Finally been able to give it a full listen this morning on the drive to work and right now as we speak. And its quite phenomenal.
"It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present
whatever face you believe a person wants to see rather than your own.
Yet we hesitate to surrender all of our insecurities
Only the ones we are most comfortable relinquishing"
Isn't that the truth? It's like Craig wrote this about you.
And now I head to a meeting. See if I remember anything from last week.
Friday, August 31, 2007
My Life, My Love
To be completely honest, after a post like my last one, nothing I have to say about my life seems important even to me. When there is such a need in this world and so many hurting to find love; I am more than blessed beyond my wildest dreams.
"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."
Life does not and will not ever get "easy" for anyone. It is a continual battle where the only true offensive is to open your heart and love. It is so easy to forget on a daily basis the immensity of this world and those that inhabit it. Nobody's life is less interesting, less complex, less worth living or loving than your own. Like so many others, I too am guilty of complacency and forgetting the true meaning of love and sacrifice. Sure, the little things in life matter but there are too many hopeless and lost souls to limit ourselves to living day by day avoiding doing anything big. What Jamie and others have done with TWLOHA is awe inspiring to say the very least. They have taken the small kindness they showed Renee and ignited the hearts and minds of thousands. This movement of love has the ability to bring life and hope to so many. My request to you? No matter your circumstances in life, please take the time to listen to others. Share your pain, your bliss, your gains and your losses. Share sincerity and love in your daily life and I promise you, hope will follow.
"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."
Life does not and will not ever get "easy" for anyone. It is a continual battle where the only true offensive is to open your heart and love. It is so easy to forget on a daily basis the immensity of this world and those that inhabit it. Nobody's life is less interesting, less complex, less worth living or loving than your own. Like so many others, I too am guilty of complacency and forgetting the true meaning of love and sacrifice. Sure, the little things in life matter but there are too many hopeless and lost souls to limit ourselves to living day by day avoiding doing anything big. What Jamie and others have done with TWLOHA is awe inspiring to say the very least. They have taken the small kindness they showed Renee and ignited the hearts and minds of thousands. This movement of love has the ability to bring life and hope to so many. My request to you? No matter your circumstances in life, please take the time to listen to others. Share your pain, your bliss, your gains and your losses. Share sincerity and love in your daily life and I promise you, hope will follow.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
TWLOHA
Please Read. Love. Help. Hope. Pray.
Thank you,
JS
www.twloha.com
TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS by Jamie Tworkowski
Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.
Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.
She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.
The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.
She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.
I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.
Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.
She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.
On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.
Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.
After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.
She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.
As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."
I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.
We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.
We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.
I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.
Thank you,
JS
www.twloha.com
TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS by Jamie Tworkowski
Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.
Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.
She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.
The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.
She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.
I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.
Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.
She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.
On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.
Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.
After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.
She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.
As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."
I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.
We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.
We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.
I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Anything You Say Now
You know what would be incredible? If I was given the opportunity to sit down and talk with every person that's shaped my life that's no longer in it for whatever reason. Ex-girlfriends, ex-friends, ex-family, ex-lady friends, ex-teammates, ex-rivals or ex-lovers. One of my single greatest joys in life is talking to people and discovering him or her on a level not afforded the casual passerby. The first three questions I'd ask?
1.) Why?
2.) Where? (did you go, have you been, are you going)
3.) What? (do we do)
********************************************************************************
But besides all that, I'm expecting a visit from Michael tonight down in the QC. Hopefully The Noon is going to come with him as well. These gentlemen are easily two of my favorite people currently in my life. And despite the high chances of failure, I really want to do my best to keep them in some part of my life. We're planning on going to Pat's hockey game down here. Speaking of which, Mr. McCullough is quite a stud himself and hopefully he knocks some fools around tonight.
And in closing? If anyone reads this that has any sort of conceptual art talent, please comment or let me know somehow. I have some projects that I need someone to undertake and I would most certainly pay for services rendered.
1.) Why?
2.) Where? (did you go, have you been, are you going)
3.) What? (do we do)
********************************************************************************
But besides all that, I'm expecting a visit from Michael tonight down in the QC. Hopefully The Noon is going to come with him as well. These gentlemen are easily two of my favorite people currently in my life. And despite the high chances of failure, I really want to do my best to keep them in some part of my life. We're planning on going to Pat's hockey game down here. Speaking of which, Mr. McCullough is quite a stud himself and hopefully he knocks some fools around tonight.
And in closing? If anyone reads this that has any sort of conceptual art talent, please comment or let me know somehow. I have some projects that I need someone to undertake and I would most certainly pay for services rendered.
Monday, August 27, 2007
You Are My Moon
Steven Richard Tschiggfrie = my
If you've heard about it already or see this blog in time...look to the sky around 5:37 AM CST on Tuesday morning. God knows that's early but I might just get up early for work.
If you've heard about it already or see this blog in time...look to the sky around 5:37 AM CST on Tuesday morning. God knows that's early but I might just get up early for work.
I'm So Lost...IN LOST ISLAND!!! ARGH!!!
I'm having so much fun!!!
Look at me going zoom zoom on the Kiwi Koaster!!!
But seriously, Lost Island in Waterloo is a pretty alright water park. Perfect distance and size for a day trip with the family, a loved one, or a group of friends. I went with my family on Sunday. Now I just have to find someone who loves me or hell, even some friends.
I definitely did too much of this however.
And now I look something like this.
I thought I could rely on my Asiatic genes to prevent sun burn like they always have in the past. But it's a wonder what a couple of years sitting in an office during the summer can do for your skin's tolerance level.
Well, between Sunday's water park adventure and Saturday's wedding antics; I had a splendid weekend. One more next weekend and then wedding season for the year sadly comes to an end. Luckily, next weekend is LABOR DAY!!! And ironically enough, to celebrate, I don't have to work Monday. So that means long weekend boys and girls. It's probably going to entail Friday night in the QC, Saturday for Nate and Jackie's wedding in Dubuque and then Sunday night back in the QC rocking hard until the early morning hours of our recognized day of labor.
Well, thus ends my weekend update. Enjoy.
If I Didn't Love You So Much...
My brother with his 4th grade class at Immanuel Mission School. Located right around....here
Get it?
The point is, I'm incredibly proud of my brother and the direction he's chosen to take his life. We've been through a lot of crap together and to see him standing with these beautiful children that look to him each day to further their education and make them more valuable as individuals; I'm filled with joy and admiration. The sacrifice and love that he, his beautiful wife Sarah and their incredible daughter Eden are displaying are encouraging and inspiring to say the least. I love you Solomon.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Whoopsies...
Well, that was quick...
A personal belief I hold is that no matter the length, frequency or relative importance, every encounter with another person in this life has an impact on you and your character. Time acts as an exponential factor in determining what sort of influence he or she might have as perceived by you but the influence occurs regardless.
My life is no different. I recently became very close to someone I've distantly known for almost a year and a half. Up until almost 2 months ago, we spoke infrequently and saw each other even less. But as life is so fond of doing, our lives randomly chose to intersect and intertwine for a period of time. How did it happen? Like I said, life has a way of taking a whole bunch of little actions, reactions, coincidences and twists of fate to turn dozens of little ingredients into a masterpiece of a meal.
I digress.
This person absolutely took me by storm. There really is no other way to put it. I was at a pivotal split in the road of my life and I was flabbergasted to find someone so amazing standing at the Y intersection, like me, contemplating which way to go. I surely didn't expect this and while part of me cursed the timing of it all, I still embraced the beauty in the unknown.
Well, after all is said and done, we chose separate paths down that road.
To you:
I want only the best for you. As previously mentioned, my only regret would be if I were to exit this situation having learned nothing. I am sorry for not foreseeing the ending of this but who would I be to judge without precedent? To be completely frank, your actions in dealing with me did not make much sense. Logic seemed to play no part in your thinking and while I cannot fault you for your personal choices, I am saddened by it and wish there would've been something I could've done to truly discover you.
You told me of past suffering at the hands of others and at the time, I felt compassion and wanted to share with you my love and happiness. But just as I personally hold myself accountable for learning from the past, you are no different. If you do not grow, you will fail and not receive one ounce of sympathy from me.
Finally, you reminded me of the many dangers inherent to trust. This is one area where I knowingly reject my philosophy of learning from the past. Therefore I desire no sympathy from you or anyone else. But without trust, there cannot be love and without love, there cannot be life. As for me, my life is my love and I do not plan to stop sharing that with others.
Thank you.
A personal belief I hold is that no matter the length, frequency or relative importance, every encounter with another person in this life has an impact on you and your character. Time acts as an exponential factor in determining what sort of influence he or she might have as perceived by you but the influence occurs regardless.
My life is no different. I recently became very close to someone I've distantly known for almost a year and a half. Up until almost 2 months ago, we spoke infrequently and saw each other even less. But as life is so fond of doing, our lives randomly chose to intersect and intertwine for a period of time. How did it happen? Like I said, life has a way of taking a whole bunch of little actions, reactions, coincidences and twists of fate to turn dozens of little ingredients into a masterpiece of a meal.
I digress.
This person absolutely took me by storm. There really is no other way to put it. I was at a pivotal split in the road of my life and I was flabbergasted to find someone so amazing standing at the Y intersection, like me, contemplating which way to go. I surely didn't expect this and while part of me cursed the timing of it all, I still embraced the beauty in the unknown.
Well, after all is said and done, we chose separate paths down that road.
To you:
I want only the best for you. As previously mentioned, my only regret would be if I were to exit this situation having learned nothing. I am sorry for not foreseeing the ending of this but who would I be to judge without precedent? To be completely frank, your actions in dealing with me did not make much sense. Logic seemed to play no part in your thinking and while I cannot fault you for your personal choices, I am saddened by it and wish there would've been something I could've done to truly discover you.
You told me of past suffering at the hands of others and at the time, I felt compassion and wanted to share with you my love and happiness. But just as I personally hold myself accountable for learning from the past, you are no different. If you do not grow, you will fail and not receive one ounce of sympathy from me.
Finally, you reminded me of the many dangers inherent to trust. This is one area where I knowingly reject my philosophy of learning from the past. Therefore I desire no sympathy from you or anyone else. But without trust, there cannot be love and without love, there cannot be life. As for me, my life is my love and I do not plan to stop sharing that with others.
Thank you.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
A.), B.), 3.)
Shadowrun is absolutely phenomenal? Yes
For the first time in a long time, I'm physically itching to leave work to go home and play a video game.
Bad sign? Yep...but seriously, who cares??? It's so much fun.
On the off chance that someone reads this that plays SR, GT = CPHxMorpheus
Now, onto more important matters. Gripes.
I have one major one right now. Myspace bitching.
Quit it. That's all I have to say.
For the first time in a long time, I'm physically itching to leave work to go home and play a video game.
Bad sign? Yep...but seriously, who cares??? It's so much fun.
On the off chance that someone reads this that plays SR, GT = CPHxMorpheus
Now, onto more important matters. Gripes.
I have one major one right now. Myspace bitching.
Quit it. That's all I have to say.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
We'll Find Our Reasons
Quick highlights of my weekend?
-Meeting some of the rapest dudes at both Halo and life. Some new, some old, some in between but all cool.
-Seeing one of my favorite people in the whole wide world, Shelton Lee. Having Jihad (Shelton) hooking me up huge with two VIP passes at MLG Chicago. Yeah, access to anything in the venue including the Pro Player's Lounge. Free Red Bull? CHECK. Plus its a wonder how many cans of Red Bull can fit in a full size Swiss Gear book bag.
-Donging in 4's
-Being sold on a 360 and Shadowrun by Jihad, Puckett, Nistic and all other sorts of studs.
-Chipotle and Portillo's? Fine dining.
-Scary Kids Scaring Kids? Super good. One positive thing about shows these days being full of sceney-boppers? Being able to have my way in the crowd. 200+ kids? Maybe two were my size or bigger than me.
-Finding peace through closure.
-Sitting back and appreciating God's love. It blows any love of mine out of the water.
-Getting almost 11 hours of sleep Sunday into Monday. So what if I had to call in sick to work get it?
-Loving life through the joy, the sorrow and the change. More specifically? The change we see in others but more importantly, the change we see in ourselves.
-Meeting some of the rapest dudes at both Halo and life. Some new, some old, some in between but all cool.
-Seeing one of my favorite people in the whole wide world, Shelton Lee. Having Jihad (Shelton) hooking me up huge with two VIP passes at MLG Chicago. Yeah, access to anything in the venue including the Pro Player's Lounge. Free Red Bull? CHECK. Plus its a wonder how many cans of Red Bull can fit in a full size Swiss Gear book bag.
-Donging in 4's
-Being sold on a 360 and Shadowrun by Jihad, Puckett, Nistic and all other sorts of studs.
-Chipotle and Portillo's? Fine dining.
-Scary Kids Scaring Kids? Super good. One positive thing about shows these days being full of sceney-boppers? Being able to have my way in the crowd. 200+ kids? Maybe two were my size or bigger than me.
-Finding peace through closure.
-Sitting back and appreciating God's love. It blows any love of mine out of the water.
-Getting almost 11 hours of sleep Sunday into Monday. So what if I had to call in sick to work get it?
-Loving life through the joy, the sorrow and the change. More specifically? The change we see in others but more importantly, the change we see in ourselves.
"It's Not That Complicated"
Speak your mind and say how you feel
Respond to me and I will respond to you
Emotions are confusing enough as they are
There’s no need to make things worse
Do your best, I’ll do mine and the rest will follow
Or stop trying, close yourself off and I’ll cut you out
Your life, your choice, my hope
Respond to me and I will respond to you
Emotions are confusing enough as they are
There’s no need to make things worse
Do your best, I’ll do mine and the rest will follow
Or stop trying, close yourself off and I’ll cut you out
Your life, your choice, my hope
Friday, August 17, 2007
Midwest Mayhem!
MLG Chicago anyone?
Yep, I'm heading to St. Charles for the Chicago stop on MLG's 4th season circuit. Only location I've ever gone to and I've been to every one of them. First year I won't be playing in the tourney but I am A. O. K. with that.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...good times. All H1 and partying tonight and possibly tomorrow night too. I'm considering either coming home to the QC to go out to the bars tomorrow night or maybe going to a Paper Mache/Tim Hanton show in downtown Chicago. Any of my three choices will be fun so I have no qualms about the quality of this weekend.
Yogi's already checked into the two room suite I have reserved. When I get there around 7:30 tonight, he's making sure there's some hot LAAAAAN and some cold beers waiting for me.
Every day, life just keeps getting better and better. Seriously, this is ridiculous.
Should hopefully post a blog or two while I'm in Chicago if I get a free minute and there's wireless. Until then, I love you.
Yep, I'm heading to St. Charles for the Chicago stop on MLG's 4th season circuit. Only location I've ever gone to and I've been to every one of them. First year I won't be playing in the tourney but I am A. O. K. with that.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...good times. All H1 and partying tonight and possibly tomorrow night too. I'm considering either coming home to the QC to go out to the bars tomorrow night or maybe going to a Paper Mache/Tim Hanton show in downtown Chicago. Any of my three choices will be fun so I have no qualms about the quality of this weekend.
Yogi's already checked into the two room suite I have reserved. When I get there around 7:30 tonight, he's making sure there's some hot LAAAAAN and some cold beers waiting for me.
Every day, life just keeps getting better and better. Seriously, this is ridiculous.
Should hopefully post a blog or two while I'm in Chicago if I get a free minute and there's wireless. Until then, I love you.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Flattery Blows My Mind
"You'll talk to anyone. But I love that about you, because it's something I envy...because when you talk, people listen."
-sw-
Thank you so much...
-sw-
Thank you so much...
"Always"
Remember the way my hand felt on your skin?
Your entire body tingling at the very thought of pressing against mine?
As I slowly worked my way down, under the covers
Your breathing would quicken and grow heavy until……gasp
I pulled pleasure after pleasure out of you
Each murmur and whispered word bringing both of us closer
In your climax, I found satisfaction
-js-
Your entire body tingling at the very thought of pressing against mine?
As I slowly worked my way down, under the covers
Your breathing would quicken and grow heavy until……gasp
I pulled pleasure after pleasure out of you
Each murmur and whispered word bringing both of us closer
In your climax, I found satisfaction
-js-
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
"Don't End World!!!"
God’s love soaks through the heavens and into our souls
What beauty is this that shines upon us?
Lighting not only our hearts and minds but our very lives
My breath stops short when I see the cloud parts
And your magnificence echoes through every nerve in my body
From tears to bliss…after the rain comes joy
And after realization comes peace
I beg you to share in this with me
-js-
What beauty is this that shines upon us?
Lighting not only our hearts and minds but our very lives
My breath stops short when I see the cloud parts
And your magnificence echoes through every nerve in my body
From tears to bliss…after the rain comes joy
And after realization comes peace
I beg you to share in this with me
-js-
For Real...
I've watched so many movies in the last week.
Art School Confidential
Bloody Reunion
Perfume
Night Watch
The Host
Hot Fuzz
Disturbia
3 episodes of Rescue Me Season 4
A couple of nights have been lonely double features
Geez...
Never underestimate the importance of roommates in a new city.
And never forget the value of a beautiful girl.
Art School Confidential
Bloody Reunion
Perfume
Night Watch
The Host
Hot Fuzz
Disturbia
3 episodes of Rescue Me Season 4
A couple of nights have been lonely double features
Geez...
Never underestimate the importance of roommates in a new city.
And never forget the value of a beautiful girl.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Lyke Really?
So I just read a blog on MySpace about what a certain girl wants in a guy and for a relationship. It made me think twice. If I were to make a similar list, what would be on it?
(in no particular order)
1.) Be OPEN AND HONEST. Tell me how you feel. Tell me what's on your mind. Tell me what you do or don't want to do. Especially at an earlier stage of "seeing" each other, before you're actually dating. That's the most crucial time for forwardness.
2.) When it comes to calling/texting/e-mailing/communicating; be mindful of schedules and who has time to call when. Don't expect to be called all the time.
3.) Be social. Know how to talk and interact with others whether it be my friends or even complete strangers to both of us.
4.) Its nice to be reminded that you care about me. Don't hesitate to tell me if that's how you feel and I'll do the same. It feels good to love and be loved. I like to feel good.
5.) Let me be chivalrous. I won't always pay for everything. I'm completely okay with eventually settling into a pattern of going 50/50. But for now? Feel honored, not patronized.
6.) Overdoing PDA is dumb sure but I'd like to think you're still my girlfriend in public and not just a friend that also happens to be a girl.
7.) In regards to number 6; I have no problem with saving intimacy for the bedroom but just make sure it doesn't get lost there too.
8.) I want you to be a little jealous. I am your boyfriend after all. Would you like to share me with other girls? A well balanced amount of jealousy indicates your desire to keep me as a monogamous partner. If anything, apathy from you is going to push me towards someone else, not your jealousy.
9.) Be down for whatever and have some sense of creativity and spontaneity. Its raining? Its night time? No one else is around? We're running naked in the rain. And no, that's not a requirement but the mindset behind it is.
10.) Don't be lazy. Seriously, I'm responsible and work hard. At this point in my life? I expect something similar from you.
11.) Above all else, do your very best to see me for the person I am and demand I see you for who you are. No lies, no bullshit, no egos. We are only who we are.
Plenty more I'm sure but that list is a start.
(in no particular order)
1.) Be OPEN AND HONEST. Tell me how you feel. Tell me what's on your mind. Tell me what you do or don't want to do. Especially at an earlier stage of "seeing" each other, before you're actually dating. That's the most crucial time for forwardness.
2.) When it comes to calling/texting/e-mailing/communicating; be mindful of schedules and who has time to call when. Don't expect to be called all the time.
3.) Be social. Know how to talk and interact with others whether it be my friends or even complete strangers to both of us.
4.) Its nice to be reminded that you care about me. Don't hesitate to tell me if that's how you feel and I'll do the same. It feels good to love and be loved. I like to feel good.
5.) Let me be chivalrous. I won't always pay for everything. I'm completely okay with eventually settling into a pattern of going 50/50. But for now? Feel honored, not patronized.
6.) Overdoing PDA is dumb sure but I'd like to think you're still my girlfriend in public and not just a friend that also happens to be a girl.
7.) In regards to number 6; I have no problem with saving intimacy for the bedroom but just make sure it doesn't get lost there too.
8.) I want you to be a little jealous. I am your boyfriend after all. Would you like to share me with other girls? A well balanced amount of jealousy indicates your desire to keep me as a monogamous partner. If anything, apathy from you is going to push me towards someone else, not your jealousy.
9.) Be down for whatever and have some sense of creativity and spontaneity. Its raining? Its night time? No one else is around? We're running naked in the rain. And no, that's not a requirement but the mindset behind it is.
10.) Don't be lazy. Seriously, I'm responsible and work hard. At this point in my life? I expect something similar from you.
11.) Above all else, do your very best to see me for the person I am and demand I see you for who you are. No lies, no bullshit, no egos. We are only who we are.
Plenty more I'm sure but that list is a start.
Friday, August 10, 2007
I Push, You Push
HEY! HEY!
So hi. How are my one to two readers doing? I hope well. I feel like talking to someone. I don't know why and it's certainly bad timing on my part as I'm at work and generally say about 5 to 25 words a day at work depending on the type of day. As I'm sure any of you reading this know, socially speaking, I generally say at least 25 words to everyone else's 5. Do I talk too much? I personally don't think so. I just generally have a fair amount of material to cover when I speak and to me, the true test of whether or not someone talks too much is if others begin to feel annoyed or awkward after a certain point. From the feedback I've received both directly and indirectly, I'm fairly confident people hardly find me annoying. But then again, who knows?
So I just got out of a two hour long meeting with two women from Learning Points. Since I haven't had anyone directly brief me really on any details concerning the meeting or the parties involved, I can only make assumptions but I'm pretty certain that LP is some form of data assessment and consulting firm that works with school districts to create and implement models for growth and improvement. Lisa and Corrine were both very nice and hopefully along with my fellow DCSD staff members Bob and Tom (haha, wow, i just realized that), didn't notice the heat and the lack of any need for me to speak, making me sluggish and sleepy. I certainly don't need any more issues with that at this new job. So I think this meeting is the real reason I'm feeling so expressive and talkative right now. I had to sit there and listen to 4 educational professionals talk to each other about issues that I maybe only half understand while I can only sit and listen because it really wasn't a setting that I could ask questions. This build-up of repressed words, expression and inquisition has now created a psychological imbalance that is demanding attention. Wow, this seems almost like some sort of revelation for me. Circumstances out of my control dictate even more circumstances that are both in and out of my control. Interesting to think about.
So hi. How are my one to two readers doing? I hope well. I feel like talking to someone. I don't know why and it's certainly bad timing on my part as I'm at work and generally say about 5 to 25 words a day at work depending on the type of day. As I'm sure any of you reading this know, socially speaking, I generally say at least 25 words to everyone else's 5. Do I talk too much? I personally don't think so. I just generally have a fair amount of material to cover when I speak and to me, the true test of whether or not someone talks too much is if others begin to feel annoyed or awkward after a certain point. From the feedback I've received both directly and indirectly, I'm fairly confident people hardly find me annoying. But then again, who knows?
So I just got out of a two hour long meeting with two women from Learning Points. Since I haven't had anyone directly brief me really on any details concerning the meeting or the parties involved, I can only make assumptions but I'm pretty certain that LP is some form of data assessment and consulting firm that works with school districts to create and implement models for growth and improvement. Lisa and Corrine were both very nice and hopefully along with my fellow DCSD staff members Bob and Tom (haha, wow, i just realized that), didn't notice the heat and the lack of any need for me to speak, making me sluggish and sleepy. I certainly don't need any more issues with that at this new job. So I think this meeting is the real reason I'm feeling so expressive and talkative right now. I had to sit there and listen to 4 educational professionals talk to each other about issues that I maybe only half understand while I can only sit and listen because it really wasn't a setting that I could ask questions. This build-up of repressed words, expression and inquisition has now created a psychological imbalance that is demanding attention. Wow, this seems almost like some sort of revelation for me. Circumstances out of my control dictate even more circumstances that are both in and out of my control. Interesting to think about.
Hated It
Well look what time it is? Movie review time boys and girls. I'll eventually make a running list of movie ratings as a sidebar or something but for the time, I thought I'd throw together a few thoughts for some of the movies I've watched recently. Nothing as long as my Hard Candy review, don't worry.
Art School Confidential - 3.75 out of 5 - See If You're Feeling Squirrely
*An indie crimeDramedy with solid acting and an awesome performance by John Malkovich
*Interesting and semi-predictable twist ending. What made it good though for me was the predictability of it. The characters were developed in such a way that you could see what was going to happen based on the characters' personalities and how they unfolded.
*Hilarious artist "stereotypes" with a few nice nude shots but unfortunately, you see a full monty donger before you see any womanly vistas.
Bloody Reunion - 4 out of 5 - Must Be In A Certain Mood to Watch But If You Are, DO IT
*Ridiculous horror/revenge/suspense Asian movie. The first time for a Korean flick for me.
*Very strong plot line and a top notch ending that I did not see coming at all. Definitely one of those, "okay, the movie's over, now what the hell just happened" endings. Really good.
*Suffered somewhat from typically awkward Asian acting but still managed pretty good character development.
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer - 4.75 out of 5 - WATCH IT!!!
*Quite possibly one of the most unique and original story lines I've ever seen
*Follows the heavily but well narrated story of Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, a young Frenchman that is born with the most acute sense of smell ever known to man.
*Incredible performances by Dustin Hoffman and Alan Rickman with Ben Whishaw, a relative newcomer to me, doing an all around good job as the lead character.
*Stunning camera work with unbelievably vivid audio and visual. In my opinion, to help offset the inability of the viewer to experience in Jean-Baptiste's incredible olfactory sense.
*Quite the jaw dropping ending as well that topped off an already top notch film experience.
Night Watch - 3.5 out of 5 - Watch It So You're Ready for the Next Two in the Trilogy
*First movie in a Russian Horror/Fantasy/Action trilogy
*Really good story and background but it suffered from some sketchy foreign film techniques and from what I understand, a very vague and inaccurate translation of the original novel.
*Some very cool action scenes but also some scenes that really just didn't make sense.
*Shows a lot of potential and promise for the hopefully American made sequels, Day Watch and Dusk Watch.
Art School Confidential - 3.75 out of 5 - See If You're Feeling Squirrely
*An indie crimeDramedy with solid acting and an awesome performance by John Malkovich
*Interesting and semi-predictable twist ending. What made it good though for me was the predictability of it. The characters were developed in such a way that you could see what was going to happen based on the characters' personalities and how they unfolded.
*Hilarious artist "stereotypes" with a few nice nude shots but unfortunately, you see a full monty donger before you see any womanly vistas.
Bloody Reunion - 4 out of 5 - Must Be In A Certain Mood to Watch But If You Are, DO IT
*Ridiculous horror/revenge/suspense Asian movie. The first time for a Korean flick for me.
*Very strong plot line and a top notch ending that I did not see coming at all. Definitely one of those, "okay, the movie's over, now what the hell just happened" endings. Really good.
*Suffered somewhat from typically awkward Asian acting but still managed pretty good character development.
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer - 4.75 out of 5 - WATCH IT!!!
*Quite possibly one of the most unique and original story lines I've ever seen
*Follows the heavily but well narrated story of Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, a young Frenchman that is born with the most acute sense of smell ever known to man.
*Incredible performances by Dustin Hoffman and Alan Rickman with Ben Whishaw, a relative newcomer to me, doing an all around good job as the lead character.
*Stunning camera work with unbelievably vivid audio and visual. In my opinion, to help offset the inability of the viewer to experience in Jean-Baptiste's incredible olfactory sense.
*Quite the jaw dropping ending as well that topped off an already top notch film experience.
Night Watch - 3.5 out of 5 - Watch It So You're Ready for the Next Two in the Trilogy
*First movie in a Russian Horror/Fantasy/Action trilogy
*Really good story and background but it suffered from some sketchy foreign film techniques and from what I understand, a very vague and inaccurate translation of the original novel.
*Some very cool action scenes but also some scenes that really just didn't make sense.
*Shows a lot of potential and promise for the hopefully American made sequels, Day Watch and Dusk Watch.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
All You've Ever Wanted
A reality like this is so unstable
You can gasp and grasp like a drowning man does to a savior’s hand
But despite your best efforts, you won’t find firm ground
Why?
Why does it have to be this way?
We go back and forth…each just silently begging for the other to call
Neither one wanting to be the first to give in
These facades that we do our best to perpetuate
They are nothing but a mockery of the love we once held true
Forget the past and fuck the future…we’re living in the present
-js-
You can gasp and grasp like a drowning man does to a savior’s hand
But despite your best efforts, you won’t find firm ground
Why?
Why does it have to be this way?
We go back and forth…each just silently begging for the other to call
Neither one wanting to be the first to give in
These facades that we do our best to perpetuate
They are nothing but a mockery of the love we once held true
Forget the past and fuck the future…we’re living in the present
-js-
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Yes Please!!!
How's this for the best Rescue Me promotional shot ever?
Finished season 3 with Steve-o last night and OMGzzzz!!! We can't wait to start the first episodes of season 4 tonight. Unlike some of our grocery shopping, I think we're both on the same page with this one.
Finished season 3 with Steve-o last night and OMGzzzz!!! We can't wait to start the first episodes of season 4 tonight. Unlike some of our grocery shopping, I think we're both on the same page with this one.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Silvis Water = Poo?
You guessed it. The topic of my Monday morning thoughts? The tap water at my condo in Silvis tastes like poo. And that really sucks. It's not like I didn't expect it. But honestly? Coming from Dubuque with it's international award winning (control+F "Dubuque") tap water? It's hard leaving the top. Just like how I had a dream last night in which I went over to the house of some new H1 "pro" to LAN and I think it was Harris that came out and gave me some excuse why I couldn't LAN with them but really it was just cause they thought I was bad. Yeah, talk about some f'd up dreams. That's what you get from sleeping on HARD floors Friday and Saturday night and then coming home and sleeping on your amazing plush bed. That and the fact I woke up EXACTLY 10 seconds before my first alarm went off. Straight from dream to consciousness to despair. And now I'm back in captivity for another 7 hours and 12 minutes.
BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
I had an absolutely amazing weekend with wonderfully amazing people. In addition to that, I'm positively trembling in anticipation for this Wednesday night. I will entertain a very special guest in the QC and I couldn't be happier.
Speaking of being happy. Last night when I got home to the condo, I looked in the fridge and came to the stunning realization that I had mistakenly thought I had eaten the last of my Mongolian Grill leftovers Friday for lunch. Oh no, I had over a half full take out container of the wonderful blend of spicy noodles, beef, pork, shrimp, chicken, sausage, crab meat and tofu. Yep, I have quite the balanced diet. So I ate a portion of that for breakfast and think I'll have the rest tonight for a light early dinner.
In regards to tonight, like usual, I have my to do/errands to run list for tonight after work.
1.) Stop at Blockbuster, return two movies and pick up the 4th and final disc of Rescue Me: Season 3.
Update: So like an idiot, as I was writing this, I decided to look for an interesting article about Rescue Me to link into this post. Yep, well, I sort of half noticed that any recent article about Rescue Me just gave off the "CHOCK FULL OF SPOILER" vibe but of course, I glance at one and I swear to God, I can read INSANELY fast when I'm trying to stop myself from doing so.
*SPOILER ALERT*
Long story short, Johnny dies. GAH!!!
You know? I still really can't tell if I hate knowing things that will happen or not. Because even if I know something will happen, it's still the show's responsibility to launch this "surprise" out of nowhere and slap me in the face when I'm least expecting. So just like you KNOW that the killer is going to jump out of somewhere, at SOME point, some time VERY soon; you still jump when he does. All the while, feeling like a jack ass. But see, I'm guessing Johnny dies in the finale but since I didn't read ANY details other than he dies, I won't know about any supplementary plot set up or the such so in all reality, this death can happen anytime in the next 2 or 3 episodes I have left. I'm still mad at myself for reading so fast but the awesomeness of Rescue Me still has a chance to save itself, Johnny's climatic end and my hopes and dreams.
2.) Stop at my lovely new bank, Wells Fargo and proceed to cash my even lovelier Mother's check for her part of the cell phone bill this month.
3.) It should be getting close to 4:35 or 4:40 by now and I'll be getting that "i'm slightly concerned but nah, I should be just fine" feeling in my gut in regards to getting to the post office on time.So I'll cruise up through the lovely city of Silvis and head to the post office that I really hope I can find with the help of Google Maps. Once there, I'll probably talk to some pleasant faced 42 year old baseball mom and PTA member that mans the front desk as a volunteer for a few hours a week. She'll then point me in the right direction where I'll stroll most likely no more than 15 feet to a much more official looking desk/counter where a uniformed older man will eye me suspiciously as I tell him my story of moving down here from Dubuque, not having a mail box set up at the newly built condominium, needing to pick up mine and my roommate's mail and so on and so forth. He'll then probably tell me that Mike needs to pick his own mail up personally. I'll put up a little fight in the hopes he'll cave in. I'll win and get the mail or more than likely, I'll give up after a 6 second struggle and just mutter under my breath that Mike can pick up his own damn mail. In terms of good news however, since we did get our mailbox in over the weekend, I should either have my two new movies from B-Buster Online in the box today or tomorrow or there's the small chance that they're at the post office when I pick my mail up. Okay, so I just checked their estimated arrival times? Sounds like today in our mailbox at the earliest. Perfume: The Story of a Murderer and Bloody Reunion. The latter of these two, I had reservations about but decided to go with against my better judgement due to a really catchy front cover and an equally interesting back cover description...which I can't seem to find the exact one I read anywhere on the internet on short notice. You'll just have to take my word for it. Plus, any movie put out by a studio with the words "Asian" and "Extreme" in it's name is fine by me.
4.) Get back home and make a bit of din din (probably those aforementioned leftovers). Assuming then that Steve got off work at 5 or so like he was hoping to on his FIRST DAY OF FURNITURE SALES!!!!!, we'll probably sup together and watch Rescue Me or maybe an episode of Band of Brothers if I'm unsuccesful in my Quest #01.
So as you can see, I have an INCREDIBLY eventful Monday ahead of me but I'm just thinking it's just one more day that's in the way of Wednesday...
So with that, I bid you adieu for now.
Good morning lovely.
BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
I had an absolutely amazing weekend with wonderfully amazing people. In addition to that, I'm positively trembling in anticipation for this Wednesday night. I will entertain a very special guest in the QC and I couldn't be happier.
Speaking of being happy. Last night when I got home to the condo, I looked in the fridge and came to the stunning realization that I had mistakenly thought I had eaten the last of my Mongolian Grill leftovers Friday for lunch. Oh no, I had over a half full take out container of the wonderful blend of spicy noodles, beef, pork, shrimp, chicken, sausage, crab meat and tofu. Yep, I have quite the balanced diet. So I ate a portion of that for breakfast and think I'll have the rest tonight for a light early dinner.
In regards to tonight, like usual, I have my to do/errands to run list for tonight after work.
1.) Stop at Blockbuster, return two movies and pick up the 4th and final disc of Rescue Me: Season 3.
Update: So like an idiot, as I was writing this, I decided to look for an interesting article about Rescue Me to link into this post. Yep, well, I sort of half noticed that any recent article about Rescue Me just gave off the "CHOCK FULL OF SPOILER" vibe but of course, I glance at one and I swear to God, I can read INSANELY fast when I'm trying to stop myself from doing so.
*SPOILER ALERT*
Long story short, Johnny dies. GAH!!!
You know? I still really can't tell if I hate knowing things that will happen or not. Because even if I know something will happen, it's still the show's responsibility to launch this "surprise" out of nowhere and slap me in the face when I'm least expecting. So just like you KNOW that the killer is going to jump out of somewhere, at SOME point, some time VERY soon; you still jump when he does. All the while, feeling like a jack ass. But see, I'm guessing Johnny dies in the finale but since I didn't read ANY details other than he dies, I won't know about any supplementary plot set up or the such so in all reality, this death can happen anytime in the next 2 or 3 episodes I have left. I'm still mad at myself for reading so fast but the awesomeness of Rescue Me still has a chance to save itself, Johnny's climatic end and my hopes and dreams.
2.) Stop at my lovely new bank, Wells Fargo and proceed to cash my even lovelier Mother's check for her part of the cell phone bill this month.
3.) It should be getting close to 4:35 or 4:40 by now and I'll be getting that "i'm slightly concerned but nah, I should be just fine" feeling in my gut in regards to getting to the post office on time.So I'll cruise up through the lovely city of Silvis and head to the post office that I really hope I can find with the help of Google Maps. Once there, I'll probably talk to some pleasant faced 42 year old baseball mom and PTA member that mans the front desk as a volunteer for a few hours a week. She'll then point me in the right direction where I'll stroll most likely no more than 15 feet to a much more official looking desk/counter where a uniformed older man will eye me suspiciously as I tell him my story of moving down here from Dubuque, not having a mail box set up at the newly built condominium, needing to pick up mine and my roommate's mail and so on and so forth. He'll then probably tell me that Mike needs to pick his own mail up personally. I'll put up a little fight in the hopes he'll cave in. I'll win and get the mail or more than likely, I'll give up after a 6 second struggle and just mutter under my breath that Mike can pick up his own damn mail. In terms of good news however, since we did get our mailbox in over the weekend, I should either have my two new movies from B-Buster Online in the box today or tomorrow or there's the small chance that they're at the post office when I pick my mail up. Okay, so I just checked their estimated arrival times? Sounds like today in our mailbox at the earliest. Perfume: The Story of a Murderer and Bloody Reunion. The latter of these two, I had reservations about but decided to go with against my better judgement due to a really catchy front cover and an equally interesting back cover description...which I can't seem to find the exact one I read anywhere on the internet on short notice. You'll just have to take my word for it. Plus, any movie put out by a studio with the words "Asian" and "Extreme" in it's name is fine by me.
4.) Get back home and make a bit of din din (probably those aforementioned leftovers). Assuming then that Steve got off work at 5 or so like he was hoping to on his FIRST DAY OF FURNITURE SALES!!!!!, we'll probably sup together and watch Rescue Me or maybe an episode of Band of Brothers if I'm unsuccesful in my Quest #01.
So as you can see, I have an INCREDIBLY eventful Monday ahead of me but I'm just thinking it's just one more day that's in the way of Wednesday...
So with that, I bid you adieu for now.
Good morning lovely.
Friday, August 3, 2007
"If You Wanted to Know"
Pull yourself free from this
Without a doubt, you’ll understand
In time, all things will be made clear
And you’ll grasp why this had to be
Sacrificing wants for needs
Throwing comfort to the wind
Disregarding so much we held dear
Clarity will arrive unexpectedly and without announcement
This pain will all make sense one day
-js-
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They took it all back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dumb casino
They took it all back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dumb casino
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Really?
I set my things on my desk.
I press the power button on my computer tower.
I flip the overhead light switch on the lights over my desk.
I power on my two monitors. Right monitor first, left monitor second.
I log into Windows.
I open Outlook to look good.
I check my gmail because I want to.
I Ctrl+T a new tab for my Internet Banking.
I wonder why my balance is MUCH higher than it should be.
I see the Diamond Jo has apparently deposited a full paycheck.
I reflect on the fact that the DJC owes me no money whatsoever.
I realize there's been an accounting error.
I smile and hope for the best.
I press the power button on my computer tower.
I flip the overhead light switch on the lights over my desk.
I power on my two monitors. Right monitor first, left monitor second.
I log into Windows.
I open Outlook to look good.
I check my gmail because I want to.
I Ctrl+T a new tab for my Internet Banking.
I wonder why my balance is MUCH higher than it should be.
I see the Diamond Jo has apparently deposited a full paycheck.
I reflect on the fact that the DJC owes me no money whatsoever.
I realize there's been an accounting error.
I smile and hope for the best.
"Grab Max"
Here’s to the “we should do this more often”s,
The “why haven’t we thought of this before”s,
And the “this is so much fun”s
Here’s to all the moments spent…memories faded but bonds strengthened
Here’s to what we lose in the blink of an eye yet gain in a single beat of the heart
To the days we’ve spent planning, wishing and dreaming
And to the nights spent hoping tomorrow would last a lifetime
-js-
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Yeah, That's What I'd Do
So now that the introduction is out of the way, where to?
I watched the movie "Hard Candy" last night. For those of you that are unfamiliar with it, here's a quick spoiler-free summary of it. 14 year old girl named Hayley meets 32 year old man named Jeff IRL after chatting on the internet for a few weeks. Hayley goes back to Jeff's house with him. Hayley surprises Jeff and takes him captive in his own house. Hilarity does not ensue and needless to say, lives are changed. Was mine? Not exactly but I did really like the movie. For starters, it has a very original storyline that explores each of the character's psyche but made sure to never tell too much and overwhelm the viewer with contrived philosophical rhetoric.
Along with a really well worded script, the film's dialogue and sense of character development shone through. Patrick Wilson and Ellen Page both did an amazing job of portraying their characters to a very believable level. Grey's Anatomy's Sandra Oh also has a 3 minute appearance as Jeff's concerned neighbor Mrs. Tokuda. As events unfold and plot is revealed, both Jeff and Hayley's characters really begin to evolve as layer after layer is stripped and their true motives and self shines through. One thing that really stood out for me though in the film was the lighting and filming techniques. Now, don't mistake me for any sort of film critic because I can say with complete honesty that I have next to no clue about any sort of camera angles, lighting techniques, etc, etc. I just know what works for me and this film certainly did. The shifting of muted grey tones to bright hued whites really led me to feel that the director was trying to show the strong sense of conflict between right and wrong in this movie and how at least for me personally, the line was never very clear.
On a related note, Double Viking has an excellent Top (9) Unconventional Date Movies that includes Hard Candy. So not only can you enjoy this movie by yourself or with someone where no sexual interest exists at all; but DV promises "you'll be having fish tacos for dinner" if you watch this with a date. That is of course as long as you warn her about the first 15 minutes before little Hayley goes Donkey Kong on Jeff's ass. Apparently girls might get creeped out by the internet sexual predator bit. Whatever...
Rating? I'm going to go with a "Definitely Watch It" and compliment that with a 4.25 out of 5.
I watched the movie "Hard Candy" last night. For those of you that are unfamiliar with it, here's a quick spoiler-free summary of it. 14 year old girl named Hayley meets 32 year old man named Jeff IRL after chatting on the internet for a few weeks. Hayley goes back to Jeff's house with him. Hayley surprises Jeff and takes him captive in his own house. Hilarity does not ensue and needless to say, lives are changed. Was mine? Not exactly but I did really like the movie. For starters, it has a very original storyline that explores each of the character's psyche but made sure to never tell too much and overwhelm the viewer with contrived philosophical rhetoric.
Along with a really well worded script, the film's dialogue and sense of character development shone through. Patrick Wilson and Ellen Page both did an amazing job of portraying their characters to a very believable level. Grey's Anatomy's Sandra Oh also has a 3 minute appearance as Jeff's concerned neighbor Mrs. Tokuda. As events unfold and plot is revealed, both Jeff and Hayley's characters really begin to evolve as layer after layer is stripped and their true motives and self shines through. One thing that really stood out for me though in the film was the lighting and filming techniques. Now, don't mistake me for any sort of film critic because I can say with complete honesty that I have next to no clue about any sort of camera angles, lighting techniques, etc, etc. I just know what works for me and this film certainly did. The shifting of muted grey tones to bright hued whites really led me to feel that the director was trying to show the strong sense of conflict between right and wrong in this movie and how at least for me personally, the line was never very clear.
On a related note, Double Viking has an excellent Top (9) Unconventional Date Movies that includes Hard Candy. So not only can you enjoy this movie by yourself or with someone where no sexual interest exists at all; but DV promises "you'll be having fish tacos for dinner" if you watch this with a date. That is of course as long as you warn her about the first 15 minutes before little Hayley goes Donkey Kong on Jeff's ass. Apparently girls might get creeped out by the internet sexual predator bit. Whatever...
Rating? I'm going to go with a "Definitely Watch It" and compliment that with a 4.25 out of 5.
CHIODOS!!! SEPTEMBER 24TH!!! THE LOFT!!!
4th time making love to craig's face
2nd time doing so at the Loft
1st time I'll have craig's new gf with me...hopefully
"let me embrace you with this kiss"
2nd time doing so at the Loft
1st time I'll have craig's new gf with me...hopefully
"let me embrace you with this kiss"
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
A Start to Something - Part 2
Fast forward a year and some change. I'm sitting behind a desk in the Learning Information Services department of the Davenport Community School District as a Data Analyst. Bryce is proclaiming in one ear how there's no such thing as too much love. Two 19-inch wide screen monitors sit in front of me along with a comfortable salary, health benefits, premium retirement options and vacation time. I live in a brand new condominium in the Deer Meadows sub-division in Silvis, Illinois with two good friends. Sounds ideal? It is.
After I stepped off that stage at graduation, I went on to work for a little over a year at the Diamond Jo Casino in Dubuque, Iowa as a database analyst for Peninsula Gaming Corporation. Was this what I wanted to do? Yes. Did I learn and grow both as an indvidual and as a
database professional? Yes. Overall, did I enjoy my time with Diamond Jo? Definitely. I knew shortly after starting at the casino however that this was not where a large portion of my journey was going to be spent. But it was merely another series of steps to be taken that would inevitably lead to another opportunity and another transition.
Two successful interviews and a few months of preparation later, I was ready to embark on a very important leg of my journey. Ready to move?
One more quick Tarantino and I'll be back to the present.
I was born at Mercy Hospital in Dubuque, Iowa. I have lived my entire life here in Dubuque. Uprooting my life is proving to be the biggest change in my life to date. There's nothing like some new sets of scenery to put certain things in perspective. Priorities shift, behaviors alter, people AND hobbies are found, lost and rediscovered. But despite any misconceived notions of "success", I have come to realize that my devotion to my life, my love and the happiness of both myself and others is the form that success has taken for me.
So a job or two, a few apartments and a handful of relationships later, I sit at this desk working on absolutely nothing and theoretically getting paid to write this blog. Time and its passing are humbling concepts to think about. As this initial two-part blog ends and a doorway is opened for future musings; I extend both a formal invitation to join me on my journey and a polite request to let me join you on your's.
After I stepped off that stage at graduation, I went on to work for a little over a year at the Diamond Jo Casino in Dubuque, Iowa as a database analyst for Peninsula Gaming Corporation. Was this what I wanted to do? Yes. Did I learn and grow both as an indvidual and as a
database professional? Yes. Overall, did I enjoy my time with Diamond Jo? Definitely. I knew shortly after starting at the casino however that this was not where a large portion of my journey was going to be spent. But it was merely another series of steps to be taken that would inevitably lead to another opportunity and another transition.
Two successful interviews and a few months of preparation later, I was ready to embark on a very important leg of my journey. Ready to move?
One more quick Tarantino and I'll be back to the present.
I was born at Mercy Hospital in Dubuque, Iowa. I have lived my entire life here in Dubuque. Uprooting my life is proving to be the biggest change in my life to date. There's nothing like some new sets of scenery to put certain things in perspective. Priorities shift, behaviors alter, people AND hobbies are found, lost and rediscovered. But despite any misconceived notions of "success", I have come to realize that my devotion to my life, my love and the happiness of both myself and others is the form that success has taken for me.
So a job or two, a few apartments and a handful of relationships later, I sit at this desk working on absolutely nothing and theoretically getting paid to write this blog. Time and its passing are humbling concepts to think about. As this initial two-part blog ends and a doorway is opened for future musings; I extend both a formal invitation to join me on my journey and a polite request to let me join you on your's.
A Start to Something - Part 1
How does that saying go? Every journey begins with one step.
That's probably a rough paraphrase to be honest but for the purposes of this "blog", I think we're safe. I couldn't agree more with the saying but then again, who doesn't agree with centuries old proverbs and fortune cookie adages?
So one step? Wonderful mentality but the real shame? Who really remembers that first step? Or even the second? Or better yet, the order in which any specific step fell. I've recently embarked on a journey of my own. One full of adventure, excitement and peril. But more importantly, fire breathing dragons.
I'm talking about the journey that has recently had me moving to a little place called the Quad Cities. This "journey" as I will now so eloquently refer to it as, was and still continues to be comprised of LITERALLY...dozens of steps. The first? I frankly have no clue. Was it me clicking Submit Application at the Davenport Community School District's job site? Or maybe it was sometime last January or so? When Mikey and I first starting throwing around the idea of leaving Dubuque. First it was Ankeny. And then Moline. Or maybe we need to go even further back. Possibly as far back as to the moment I walked across the stage at 5 Flags a couple Mays ago. In the 9 seconds it took for me step on that stage, casually stroll across it, shake a hand or two, grab my fake diploma and step off the other side; a lot happened. I left childhood and entered adulthood in one fell swoop. Did I feel something huge change in me? Not exactly. But rather, I felt a subtle "shifting" if you will that caused something to settle in me. A sense of accomplishment, a sense of pride but much more important to this story, a sense of OMG I GRADUATED!!!
Unlike a lot of graduating college students, I did have some of the other basic feelings down. A sense of direction? I had a full time job in my career field lined up starting the Thursday after I walked the stage. A sense of belonging? The job was in Dubuque and I knew I'd be surrounded my family, friends and loved ones as I took the next few steps in my "immediately following college" journey. Finally, a sense of happiness? I was and still am to this day, madly in love with life.
My love affair with life was a gradual and slow moving process that started a number of years ago, hit some hard times a year or two ago and only continues to grow and strengthen with each passing day. It is this love that has been the fuel behind each and every step I've taken down the pathway of my journey. More on my affair at a later date I'm sure.
Looking back now, I think those 12 or so steps I took walking across that stage were really the "one step" beginning my journey. There was no real turning back at that point. The weight of the commitments I had made leaving college sunk in and just added to that shifting, settling feeling. Things just sort of locked into place. Like a Transformer but instead of a sentient robotic life force, it was the door to escape life's responsibilities that was locking up nice and tight on me like Megan Fox's ass. Was I scared? Not at all. A little forlorn perhaps, a lot nostalgic certainly but through it all, my excitement and love carried me across that stage and into the opening acts of my journey.
That's probably a rough paraphrase to be honest but for the purposes of this "blog", I think we're safe. I couldn't agree more with the saying but then again, who doesn't agree with centuries old proverbs and fortune cookie adages?
So one step? Wonderful mentality but the real shame? Who really remembers that first step? Or even the second? Or better yet, the order in which any specific step fell. I've recently embarked on a journey of my own. One full of adventure, excitement and peril. But more importantly, fire breathing dragons.
I'm talking about the journey that has recently had me moving to a little place called the Quad Cities. This "journey" as I will now so eloquently refer to it as, was and still continues to be comprised of LITERALLY...dozens of steps. The first? I frankly have no clue. Was it me clicking Submit Application at the Davenport Community School District's job site? Or maybe it was sometime last January or so? When Mikey and I first starting throwing around the idea of leaving Dubuque. First it was Ankeny. And then Moline. Or maybe we need to go even further back. Possibly as far back as to the moment I walked across the stage at 5 Flags a couple Mays ago. In the 9 seconds it took for me step on that stage, casually stroll across it, shake a hand or two, grab my fake diploma and step off the other side; a lot happened. I left childhood and entered adulthood in one fell swoop. Did I feel something huge change in me? Not exactly. But rather, I felt a subtle "shifting" if you will that caused something to settle in me. A sense of accomplishment, a sense of pride but much more important to this story, a sense of OMG I GRADUATED!!!
Unlike a lot of graduating college students, I did have some of the other basic feelings down. A sense of direction? I had a full time job in my career field lined up starting the Thursday after I walked the stage. A sense of belonging? The job was in Dubuque and I knew I'd be surrounded my family, friends and loved ones as I took the next few steps in my "immediately following college" journey. Finally, a sense of happiness? I was and still am to this day, madly in love with life.
My love affair with life was a gradual and slow moving process that started a number of years ago, hit some hard times a year or two ago and only continues to grow and strengthen with each passing day. It is this love that has been the fuel behind each and every step I've taken down the pathway of my journey. More on my affair at a later date I'm sure.
Looking back now, I think those 12 or so steps I took walking across that stage were really the "one step" beginning my journey. There was no real turning back at that point. The weight of the commitments I had made leaving college sunk in and just added to that shifting, settling feeling. Things just sort of locked into place. Like a Transformer but instead of a sentient robotic life force, it was the door to escape life's responsibilities that was locking up nice and tight on me like Megan Fox's ass. Was I scared? Not at all. A little forlorn perhaps, a lot nostalgic certainly but through it all, my excitement and love carried me across that stage and into the opening acts of my journey.
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