I Promise

Last night, I had to ignore over 80 phone calls from someone I care strongly about. I didn't answer or respond to these calls, voicemails and texts because simply put, it was the right thing to do. I think many times we find ourselves in a situation where we have to take the hard and narrow path and sacrifice in the now so that others may benefit in the future. I can't let her care about me anymore. There must exist a rift between us so that she can put aside the emotions that kept her calling and those that enabled her to allow herself to be so vulnerable.

She claimed that I had lied to her and betrayed her trust. I can not be more emphatic in stating that I did not. If there was something that unspoken law dictates for me to tell her, I would have done so. Unfortunately for her case against me, there wasn't. Its almost humorous to me that she thought I didn't know she read my blog. If anything, she was/is probably my most devoted reader. Keep in mind, 1 of 3. The point of this blog is not for me to hide how I feel or disguise my opinion on matters; it is an open forum for my life, my love and my thoughts. For example, my post entitled Whoopsies... from almost a month ago now. In it, I chronicled my thoughts concerning a separate ill fated relationship. Did I mean what I wrote? Most certainly. Did I yield to a personal weakness of mine and fall into the ever open pit of melodrama? Yep. So for that, I apologize. But do not think for one second that I would compromise my spirit to write and to create in order to protect the best interests of anyone other than myself. Selfish as it may sound, I can only be responsible for myself and the choices I make and therefore will not take it upon myself to pretend to know or especially predict the thoughts or reactions of others to my writing.

I rambled. I apologize.

Coming back to the main character of this little narrative. The hardest thing to sacrifice for me is quite literally my reputation with her. In a limited number of ways, I do care entirely too much what certain people think of me. Last night though, a realization finally sunk in. This vanity of mine is what has been inhibiting certain areas of personal growth. So by finally realizing and acknowledging this weakness of mine, I was able to see the proper course of action to take in this situation. For once, I'm not arguing and I'm most definitely not trying to change her mind. I'm letting her go. I'm letting her be free to think and feel whatever she'd like to without any input or opposition from me. My opinion and feelings are no longer of any importance in this situation and as difficult as that is for me to accept, I will.

In closing, I will not censor my thoughts for anyone but myself. For the same reason that this is a public blog, my written and spoken thoughts are also public and open to comment, critique and discussion. All I ask is that a somewhat logical and rational approach is taken when doing so. Ask and I will tell.

This is me sharing. My life, my love.